Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
