If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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