So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
