And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
