thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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