i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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