i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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