There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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