After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
