Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
