my shit smells like andre
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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