Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
