So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
