His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
