And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
