if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
