The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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