I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
