i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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