a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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