I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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