I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So much rum. So many feels.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
