if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
