Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
