it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
