i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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