maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
