very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
