I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
