Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
