Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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