There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
