Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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