Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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