My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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