the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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