But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
