In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
