He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
