how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
