Sponge bath it is.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
