you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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