A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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