can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
