They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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