I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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