I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
