i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
God, I missed his penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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