I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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