every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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