i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The air was thick with penises
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
