So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
