then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
