At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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